A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them demands the wife, and so they carry on
shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and
puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'
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- Replied by
- wnanhee
- at May 15, 11, 06:20:47 AM
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- Feelin froggy
- at May 15, 11, 11:14:14 AM
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A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger boobs'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your boobs for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make them bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your a$$' says the boyfriend. -
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- JohnnyK
- at May 16, 11, 01:51:33 PM
- Forum admin 30868
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- Feelin froggy
- at May 16, 11, 05:21:40 PM
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This guy's walking along the beach when he kicks a bottle. Much to his surprise, a genie flies out. "Oh master," it says, "your wish is my command."
Great, thinks the guy, his chance has finally come! "Genie," he demands, "give me a willie that touches the floor." Whereupon both his legs fell off. -
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- keza
- at May 25, 11, 11:41:27 PM
- Full Member 198
- last active 3 years ago
A friend had just txt this joke to me now,
A wife said to her husband "how would you describe me?"
Husband replies "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,
Wife confused asked "and whats that suppose to mean?
Husband said "your Awesome, Beatiful, Cute, Divine, Elegant, Funny, Gorgous, and hot
Wife says "oh honey thats so sweet but you forgot i,j,k
Husband replies "IM JUST KIDDING
And i think you know what happens after that (slap.slap) -
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- luvkittynumber1
- at Feb 20, 12, 05:31:27 AM
- Super Hero 1388
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- at Feb 20, 12, 06:56:56 AM
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- jbuijsheeschw
- at Feb 21, 12, 03:26:29 AM
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A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave." -
- Replied by
- Santa
- at May 04, 18, 02:07:51 AM
- Sr. Member 333
- last active 12 days ago
Two frat boys were lost at sea aboard a life raft. On the fourth day, a mermaid came out of nowhere and offered to grant them one wish.
The frat boys thought hard until one shouted, "I wish the ocean was a sea of beer." And their wish came true.
After they swam and drank in the sea of beer, the other boy shouted, "great, now we have to pee in the boat!"
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- Dog in space
- at May 05, 18, 03:42:26 AM
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- james jenicek
- at May 06, 18, 09:17:07 AM
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- james jenicek
- at May 06, 18, 03:52:03 PM
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- Kross777
- at May 06, 18, 04:05:53 PM
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- Kross777
- at May 07, 18, 02:02:09 AM
- Sr. Member 442
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Once Bernard Shaw dropped the phrase that all women are corrupt. The English Queen heard that and when meeting Shaw, asked him: «Is it true, sir, that you are saying that all women are corrupt?» «Yes, Your Majesty.» — And me too?! — exclaimed the queen indignantly. «And you too, Your Majesty,» Shaw said calmly. «And how much am I worth?» asked the queen. «Ten thousand pounds» Shaw said at once. — What, so cheap?! The queen resented. «You see, you are already bargaining about the price,» the playwright smiled.
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- Kross777
- at May 08, 18, 05:36:44 AM
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- Kross777
- at May 10, 18, 01:06:26 AM
- Sr. Member 442
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A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have. He says, "A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse." One student stands up and says, "Professor, either you don't know how to fuck, or I don't know how to shit."
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- richmcc1
- at May 10, 18, 02:26:35 AM
- Sr. Newbie 27
- last active 2 days ago
So Mummar walks up to Honest Ali's Camel Bazaar.
He tells Ali "I need a camel that can travel 400 miles of desert without a drink."
Ali, " I have one Camel you may not want him thought"
Mummar "Can he travel 400 miles?
Ali "Yes"
Mummar " I'll take him"
Ali"But.."
Mummar "I said I will take him, now get him."
Ali gets the camel and as mummar starts to leave on his camel. Ali Yells Read the Manual first.
Mummar ignore hims and heads for the desert. A hundred miles into the trip the camel stops.
Mummar does everything he can to get him to start walking with no avail. Without any recourse, he looks in the owner's Manual.He readS: This model Camel can travel 1000 of miles but it needs special maintenance of a manual stimulation every 100 miles.
Mummar curses out loud, "Does it F'kin expect to masterbate it?" As he says that the Camel starts nodding his head yes. Having already tried everything and realizing nobody is going to see him. He perfoms the "special Maintenance"
He gets on the camel and they go another hundred miles, the camel stops again.
Mummar gets off the camel and starts to coax him to move, but realizes it is pointless, so he reluctanly reaches under the camel performs the "Special Maintenance".
Afterwards he gets back on the came only to have it stop another 100 miles.
At this point he is resigned to what he needs to do. He dismounts and starts to put his hand under the camel, but the camel steps away and shakes his head no. Mummar tries again and the camel does the same thing. He walks to the front of the Camel and says "What you mean no?"
The Camel makes an oval shape with his mouth and bobs his head up and down.
Moral: Always read the manual before you operate the item. -
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- tanunax
- at May 11, 18, 01:48:06 AM
- Hero Member 621
- last active 1 year ago
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- Kross777
- at May 12, 18, 06:21:06 AM
- Sr. Member 442
- last active 5 years ago
«Medicine won’t help you at all, — the doctor told his patient. — What you need is a complete change of living. Get away to some quiet country place for a month. Go to bed early, eat more fruit, drink plenty of good rich milk, and smoke just cigar a day».
A month later the patient walked into the doctor’s office. He looked like a new man, and the doctor told him so.
«Yes, doctor, your advice certainly did the business. I went to bed early and did all the other things you told me. But, I say, doctor, that one cigar a day almost killed me at first. It’s no joke starting to smoke at my time of life». -
- Replied by
- richmcc1
- at May 13, 18, 03:58:45 AM
- Sr. Newbie 27
- last active 2 days ago
A man goes to the doctor complaining about his sex life. The doctor tells to eat right, lose wieght and exercise more.
two months later the man goes back to the doctor. 'Doc thanks for the advice, my sex life has never been better, I have had sex four times since my alst visit. The doc says "That does not sound like a lot. Priest replys "For priest in a small country parish it is!"
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- Kross777
- at May 14, 18, 02:48:25 PM
- Sr. Member 442
- last active 5 years ago
An admiral is standing at the Naval Academy in Annapolis when he stops a plebe* walking by.
«Sailor, do you have change for a dollar?»
«Sure, buddy,» says the plebe, rooting around his pocket.
«That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?»
«No, sir!»
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- tanunax
- at May 15, 18, 12:27:48 AM
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- Kross777
- at May 15, 18, 12:37:12 AM
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A bewhiskered American farmer was once a passenger in a crowded trolley-bus.
A little rather stout man trying to reach a strap, caught hold of the farmer’s beard.
The farmer exclaimed indignantly: — Will you kindly take your paws away from my beard?
— What’s the matter, mister? — said the aggressive little man. — Are you getting off?
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