African father and young son are taking a stroll and the the boy is curious.
Father,
Yes my son,
Why do we have short curly hair?
Son u are the true African hunter, and when u are going through the bushes your hair cuts the grass so u can get to the animal kill him and eat him for your dinner.
Ty father,
That's ok my son,
Father,
Yes my son,
Why do we have a big broad nose?
Son u are the true African hunter, and when u are in the bushes u can smell the animal from far away so that u know which direction to go, then kill him and eat him for your dinner.
Ty father,
That's ok my son
Father,
Yes my son,
Why do we have broad lips?
Son u are the true African hunter, and when u kill the animal u can eat him quickly so that when the other animals come afterwards all they will see are bones and your belly is fully.
Ty father,
That's ok my son,
Father,
Yes my son,
Why the f*ck are u gambling in Las Vegas then?
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- panettone0
- at Sep 05, 14, 11:40:13 AM
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- luckyirishgirl424
- at Sep 05, 14, 11:52:10 AM
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During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.
"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.
"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whisky bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!" -
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- luckyirishgirl424
- at Sep 05, 14, 12:46:17 PM
- Sr. Member 349
- last active 5 years ago
If I am wrong I would sincerely apologise, maybe a mod can confirm what is right and wrong.
[/quote]
Like pokergranni suggested read the rules. It is thoroughly explained. Also please refrain from insulting comments. If do not wish to participate in contest that is up to you but insulting members is not cool.
Then I apologise. Not sure I insulted anyone though. Not sure the point of this competition this time, so I'm definitely out.
Sorry once again.
[quote author=cranders79 link=topic=31382.msg319787#msg319787 date=1409851002]
Casino/Gambling related...
I can explain. The point of this competition is to share some funny jokes with the community and support LCB. They are doing us a solid by giving us a prize. No need to be negative. THE POINT IS ALSO TO HAVE FUN! Geeze.
And also, I think the Mods can help someone out if they are not following the rules. There is really no need to point someones mistakes out and make them feel stupid. Its just a contest. -
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- xbornluckyx
- at Sep 06, 14, 09:11:44 AM
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- last active 3 years ago
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- Lipstick
- at Sep 06, 14, 11:01:48 AM
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- last active 23 hours ago
Here are our winners! Congrats to all that participated!
Dirkemans $10
Mnsweetheartf $5
Pokergranni – $10
Mago666 – $10
Chocolateman $5
Tweeksta – $10
bigdk1888 - $10
Ivan4eg88 – $10
ArmiS – $5
p0kahontis -$10
imakin1 - $10
Jennifer Durling $5
Xbornluckyx – $25 top winner
Royalflushplease – $5
Makerik – $5
sagar19 - $10
Gabby – $10
Kristih - $25 top winner
Aloniatta $10
Missymoo $15 2nd place winner
Sommi - $15 2nd place winner
Antoniomx $10
Mike C. $5
Righton – $5
Poppy - $5
Rena35 - $5
salemnalle2 – $5
skrunici - $5
gilajikput91 - $5
dbamos - $5
globule3645 – $5
panettone0 - $5
premsharma16 - $10
rayoflight - $5
bahamaman - $5
luckyirishgirl424- $10
Cranders79 $5 -
- Replied by
- dirkemans
- at Sep 06, 14, 11:08:50 AM
- Hero Member 916
- last active 3 years ago
Congrats to all winners!
Thanks for yet another fun contest LCB, and especially lips since Zuga said all these contests are mostly your creative input:)
Of course i expected my hat story to place in the winning position, but hey, guess it wasn't a real "top hat" after all ;p
I was wondering, when will these prizes be credited?
Can't wait to try and redeem my first neteller cash bonus!! -
- Replied by
- missymoo
- at Sep 06, 14, 11:21:02 AM
- Sr. Member 310
- last active 5 years ago
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- xbornluckyx
- at Sep 06, 14, 12:20:09 PM
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- at Sep 06, 14, 02:57:41 PM
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- at Sep 06, 14, 03:40:27 PM
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- at Sep 06, 14, 04:49:56 PM
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- online
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- at Sep 07, 14, 12:33:08 AM
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- pokergranni
- at Sep 07, 14, 05:22:31 AM
- Super Hero 1335
- last active 1 year ago
Zuga & The LCB Crew,
Thanks guys for a funny contest. I really enjoyed this one! It is absolutely amazing to me how you guys keep these contests fresh and fun! Just keep them coming and I will certainly be playing.
Congrats to all the winners! Your jokes, comic strips, and stories were excellent and extremely funny. Tough competition in this contest! Looking forward to the next one!
Pokergranni
P.S.
Happy Birthday Rayoflight! -
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- p0kahontis
- at Sep 07, 14, 09:31:09 AM
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- at Sep 09, 14, 12:04:54 AM
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- at Sep 11, 14, 04:46:57 AM
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